I’m not lazy I’m in energy-saving mode Now hush, or you’ll drain my battery”I have % battery left Whoever calls me or sends me a message will become my enemy”I only pretend to work They pretend to pay me for it We don’t like to talk about it”Silence may be golden, but duct tape is shiny and silver”You’re just jealous because the voices like talking to me more”I did it again I overestimated the number of brain cells you have”A man is only as young as the woman he feels”I just saw the smartest person in the world when I stood in front of the mirror”You know what they say: Everything happens for a reason When I punch you in the face, remember that I had a reason for it”What’s the main cause for divorce? Marriage”Hey, Karma – I have a long list of people you missed”People always tell me to follow my dreams, so I took their advice and went back to bed”I always thought the air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips”My cell phone rings at AM – Hey, are you asleep? – No, I’m skydiving – what do you think?!”Most people live and learn, but you – you just live”Don’t take your life too seriously It’s not like you’re going to get out alive”I had to take a sick day again I’m just so sick of those people”Did you ever think that the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason?”Life is so short – so smile while you still have teeth!”We now live in an era of smart phones and stupid people”It’s hard doing nothing because you never know when you’re finished”I’m experiencing life at WTFs per hour”You don’t like my sarcastic answer? Then don’t ask a stupid question”Calm down We’re all a little crazy This isn’t a competition”I honestly don’t suffer from insanity I enjoy every single minute of it”There really needs to be a day in between Saturday and Sunday Maybe two”I really am a humble person In fact, I’m so much greater than I’ve led you to believe”I didn’t trip The floor just looked like it really could use a hug”Bathrooms have transformed from being a singing studio to a photo studio”I’m not short – I’m concentrated awesome”I’m really not afraid to die I just don’t want to be there when it actually happens”I’m not worried about terrorism I was once married for two years”Behind every successful man is a woman who is very confused”Laziness is truly the mother of all bad habits But remember, she’s a mother and should be respected”Don’t make the same mistake twice There are so many to choose from Pick a new one each day”I used to have an open mind, but I got tired of my brain falling out”You can never say what’s on your mind when your entire family is on Facebook”We live in a WTF era – Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook”You can’t blame me – I was born a pessimist My blood type is actually B Negative”My teacher calls it cheating Well, I call it teamwork”Friendship is a lot like money It’s easier made than kept”Guys – sometimes when I close my eyes, I really can’t see anything”Please – I don’t get older I just level up”What’s the weather forecast for tonight? Dark with a hint of moonlight”Everyone keeps telling me the right person will come along Honestly, I’m starting to think that mine was hit by a truck”I’m just finishing what I started yesterday – nothing”I want to know how one careless match can set an entire forest on fire, but it takes a whole box just to light a campfire”I’m sorry, I couldn’t repair your brakes I made your horn louder instead”Toilet paper is highly useful, but it’s really not an appropriate gift”At the end of every day, I wish that life would ask me: Do you want to save your changes?”Whenever someone tells me I’m going to regret that in the morning, I just sleep past noon”If Monday had a face, I would punch it I hate Mondays”Parachute for sale: used once, but never opened”What do poor men and rich men have in common? They both have iPhones”Where there’s a will, there’s a hundred relatives fighting over it”Failure: it’s not an option; it comes bundled with Windows”If at first you don’t succeed, hide all of the evidence that you even tried”I hate mornings They always start when I’m still asleep”I’m more than special – I’m a limited edition And I come at a higher price”I still remember the days when blackberries and apples were just fruits”Never argue with idiots They will only drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience”In today’s society, a pizza gets delivered to your house faster than the police”Early birds may get the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese”I scream the same way whether I’m being eaten by a shark, or a tiny piece of seaweed touches my leg”I don’t know about you, but I intend on living forever So far, everything is going as planned”Work fascinates me That’s why I sit and look at it for hours”I always take my life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila”Well, you’re never too old to learn something stupid”With a good enough thrust, pigs really can fly”What’s the best way to make sure that you hit your target? Shoot first and then call whatever it hits your target”The next time you think about fighting fire with fire just remember that the fire department uses water”They say that winning isn’t’ everything Why do we keep score then?”I’m pretty sure I used to be indecisive Now, I’m really not so sure”Don’t ever hit a man with glasses Hit him with a baseball bat instead”I really don’t trust anything that can bleed for five days and not die”(Jump back to the table of contents)NEON HEART DESKTOPCHOOSE FROM EXAMPLES BELOW:What is love? In math, it’s an equation In chemistry, it’s a reaction In history, it’s a war In art, it’s a heart In me, it’s you”To meet you was fate To become your friend was a choice Falling in love with you was out of my control”I fell in love the moment I saw you, and you smiled at me because you knew”Someday, when my daughter smiles at me and asks me who my very first love was, I don’t want to have to pull out a photo album to show her I want to point across the room and tell herhe’s sitting right there””I’m not afraid of dying Death doesn’t scare me either It’s losing you that frightens me the most”I pray every night that you will be here someday Tonight, I will count all of the stars in the sky and hope that when I close my eyes, you will once again be right by my side”I can make one promise to you: I will always love you more than any other person who enters your life”I love how you make me so happy; love the ways you show that you care I love the way you whisperI love you,” and the way that you’re always there”The one emotion that can break your heart into a million pieces is the same emotion that glue the pieces back together”One of the greatest challenges in life is removing someone you used to love from your heart”It’s not always the song itself that makes you emotional It’s the feelings and the memories that make you tear up when they come to mind”I don’t cry because I’m weak I cry because I’ve been strong for so long”If you will only love me in my dreams, then I pray I never wake”Never make a permanent decision because of your temporary emotions”If our love is true, it will always find a way”When you and me get together, we make a wonderful we”I can fight the world with my one hand – as long as you’re holding onto the other”The spaces in between your fingers fit perfectly in mine”Love is the only thing that can take you to heaven without you having to die first”It really doesn’t matter who broke you down or hurt you What matters most is the person who helped you start smiling again”It’s not about how often you sayI love you;” it’s about how often you prove those words”Love is adorable when it’s new, but it’s most beautiful when it lasts”It’s easy to think of you; I do it every day Missing you is the hardest part because it’s a heartache that never really goes awayThis may sound a little crazy, but since the moment I saw you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”How many times have you crossed my mind? Just once because you never left”I fell in love with your words, but those words were the very same thing that tore me apart”Of all passions, love is the strongest It attacks the mind, the heart and the senses all at once”Love is just the result of one soul dwelling in two separate bodies”A man will already be halfway in love with any woman who truly listens to him”The saddest feeling in the world is loving someone else who used to love you back”It isn’t love itself that hurts It’s loving the wrong person that stings”Today, someone asked me how life was I just smiled and told him: She’s doing just fine!”Nothing in life is perfect, but being with you is perfectly imperfect”Throughout life, we meet many beautiful people, but only one beautiful person will ever go away”I love my life Do you know why? Because it gave me you And I love you, too, because you are my life”I want to place myself above you – not to rule over you, but to shield you from harm and always protect you”Romeo and Juliet, who died young together, isn’t true love Grandma and grandpa who happily grew old together are what true love is all about”Whenever my phone lights up, I hope it’s a text from you”You really have no idea how much you make me smile”If you really do love her, you won’t be afraid to tell the world”There are no happy endings in true love because there is no ending”Why do I love you? Because you make me smile for no reason at all”We can never be friends because I’m still in love with you”No matter what happens, always remember this: I carry your heart inside of my heart”Who needs a knight in shining armor when you can have a country boy?”Know why I love you? Because no one else in the world can make me feel the way you do”Every time I think about you, I get butterflies”Since the day I met you, I laugh easier, smile more and sleep a whole lot less”Every person has a happy place, but mine is in the arms of my boyfriend”We always have happiness in our hearts, but sometimes, sadness takes its place for a while”It’s easy to say that you’re busy when someone else needs you, but it’s harder to hearI’m busy” when you’re in need of someone”It’s better to be single than in the wrong relationship”That feeling you get when you look back and suddenly realize you made the worst choice”Before you point your fingers at someone else, check to make sure your own hands are clean”Sometimes, you meet that one person whosehello” makes you never want to say good-bye”You never stop loving someone you’ve lost You just learn how to live your life without them”Sometimes, it’s our own expectations that cause our heartbreaks”All love stories are beautiful, but ours is my absolute favorite”Love is the one thing that makes you smile even when you’re tired”Each moment that I spend with you is like a beautiful dream come true”If a hug could tell you how much I love you, I would keep you in my arms forever”People say you only truly fall in love once, but I know that’s not true That’s because I fall in love with you every day”I only know what love is because of you”Let me love you If I can’t love you for the rest of your life, at least let me love you for the rest of mine”There’s always a little madness in love, but in madness, there’s always a little bit of reason”The day I met you is the day I found life”Please don’t mind the weather It’s just raining in my heart”Love only hurts when you love someone who doesn’t love you back”Just hurt me with the truth Please don’t try to comfort me with a lie”If I had the world in my hands, I would give all of it to you”As long as I wake up in the morning and you are next to me, nothing else matters”To fall in love with you is the first half of what I want To stay in love with you forever is the second half”It’s in the way he kisses you; in the way he makes you feel; in the way he makes you fall in love”One day, you kiss someone and instantly know that you want to kiss those lips for the rest of your life”I can’t help it if I fell for you You’re the one who tripped me”(Jump back to the table of contents)funny girl desktopCHOOSE FROM EXAMPLES BELOW:You don’t like me? That’s fine My sole purpose in love isn’t to impress you”I’m neither Superman nor Batman I’m a superhero for all women”I’m so jealous of my parents I never had a kid as cool as they did”Hey, I speak my mind, and I never, ever mind what I speak”Man, God is really creative I mean, just look at me!”You know you’re the ugly one when your friends ask you to take the group picture”If I broke down and agreed with you, we’d both be wrongI could be wrong But I seriously doubt it”Congrats, graduate! Now a thermometer isn’t the only thing that has degrees with no brains”Life is too short Don’t waste your time copying my status”I never really forgive people I pretend like I do, and then wait for that perfect moment to destroy them”You treated me like I was an option, so I left you like you were a choice”It’s so miserable without you It’s almost like having you here”The attitude I have will always be based on the way you treat me”Please don’t talk out loud You’ll only lower the IQ of the entire street if you do”I’ll be nicer to you when you start being a little smarter”You are the product of over billion years of evolution Start acting like it!”Dear Math – Please grow up! I’m getting really tired of solving your problems for you”Forget circumstances I create my own opportunities”In order to shine like the sun, you need to burn like one”Hey! I found something under my shoe Oh, wait That’s just your attitude”When I’m good, I’m the best But when I’m bad, I’m the worst”If I drink alcohol, people tell me I’m an alcoholic But when I drink Fanta, no one tells me I’m fantastic”They always saynever drink and drive” Yesterday, I drank a juice box while riding my tricycle That’s right – I’m a rebel”Today, I feel lazier than the person who drew the Japanese flag”One day, I’m going to make onions cry Just you wait”Before you start talking, please make sure that you connect your tongue to your brain”Here’s the difference between your opinion and pizza – I asked for the pizza”I hate those times when I go in to hug someone really sexy and hit my head on the mirror”Is that status a bit too harsh? Forget it, I’ll just put a LOL at the end There – that’s better”Never drink and park Accidents cause people”If you’re the player, then I’m the game”Etc stands for – end of thinking capacity”Some people call me Mike, but you can call me tonight”If I’m weird when I’m with you, it just means that I like you”I’m really not trying to argue I’m just trying to explain to you why I’m right”I’m not bossy I’m just trying to tell you what you should be doing”I’m making some changes to my life, so if you don’t hear from me again, you know that you’re one of them”I’m just sitting here waiting to see if my coffee will use its powers for good or evil”My attitude is not the problem You just can’t handle my personality”Go ahead and talk behind my back You’re in the perfect position to kiss my butt”I will win It may not be immediately, but I definitely will”According to my police report, I had a really awesome night out last night”If someone is trying to bring you down, it’s only because you’re above them”If you like me, raise your hand If you don’t, raise your standards”I work to earn money If you want loyalty, go buy a dog”I talk to myself because I enjoy conversing with a better class of people”I only drink to make other people more interesting”Stop worrying so much about the world ending Did you know that it’s already tomorrow in Australia?”Sarcasm is just one of the many services that I offer”I tried so hard to be normal once Those were the worst two minutes of my life”Trying to understand you is just like trying to smell the number ”Please don’t interrupt me I’m trying to ignore you”I am what I am I don’t need your approval, and I never asked for it”Here’s my new theory: It’s none of my business what other people think of me”All you have to do is smile when you’re with people who hate you Your happiness will kill them”I’m really sorry about those texts I sent you last night My phone was really drunk”One time, I smashed my head against the keyboard and accidentally wrote the th Twilight book”I don’t have an attitude I really am that good”I love being me, and I will never change myself to please anyone else”I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for someone I’m not”If someone has the power and strength to bring you down, show them that you have just as much power and strength to pick yourself back up”I hate it when people look at my phone while I’m typing It’s not that I have something to hide It’s just none of their business”You want to argue with me? Bring it on! I have my CAPS LOCK ON!”Just a fair warning: I know karate – and a few other words, too”Don’t confuse my personality and my attitude My personality is who I am, but my attitude completely depends on who you are”I smile because I have no idea what’s going on”
