If you give a person a fish you feed them for a day …. teach a person to use facebook and they won’t bother you for weeks.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Have anybody noticed that the…lol…. symbol looks like a drowning guy…I bet he is not laughing out loud.
If your relationship status says,….It’s complicated… that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to….Single….
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit?Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired again today.
It wondering when Noah kept woodpeckers on his ark.
If I had two brains, I still wouldn’t think twice.
Ladies, the word of the day is….Legs….. Now, let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn’t help if you’re ugly on the inside.
When i scream in a Library, everyone just looks at me, but if i scream on a plane, everyone joins in.
Mommy’s alright, Daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.
Is wondering how long she must stand on the front lawn with no clothes on, waiting for Google Earth to come and take her picture
I wasn’t mocking you I was emphasizing your words with pure stupidity
Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a guy but knowing my luck I’d get stuck with a small penis.
Would like to remind you that amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.
Parents call it "talking back", we call it "answering your question"
If someone is trying to impress you. one thing is sure that the person is already impressed by you.
Whatever you do, always give 100% … Unless you are donating blood..
If you want to be TOGETHER you have TO-GET-HER
Whenever There Is a Hard Job To Be Done. Always Assign It To a Laziest Man As He’s Sure To Find An Easy Way Of Doing It.
There is no chance unless you take one
Two things are infinite : the universe and human stupidity; I?m not sure about the universe.
A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.
Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.
Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research.
Clever men are good, but they are not the best.
To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
I took a personality test on nationalgeographic.com and it turns out I?m a box of earwigs.
like this if you like to like things.
My heart is in the right place, I know, because I hid it there.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it’s in walking distance.
if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step!!
Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.
A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn’t outrun.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Don’t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
