the best one night stand is masturbationyou get to play with p#%^y and don't have explain why laterlol
When I'm good, I'm very good and when I'm bad, I'm sensational!
I can only bottle so much inside, and right now, I've got more bottled up than a Coca-Cola factory
God is really creative, I mean just look at me! 🙂
I hate fake people You know what I’m talking about Mannequins 😀
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode
I love my job only when I’m on vacation…
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Life is Short – Chat Fast!
If life gives you lemons, just add vodka
How can i miss something i never had?
Hey there whatsapp is using me
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful Boys use photoshop to show their creativity
Fact: Phone on silent mode- Missed call… Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs send him to KFC
You can never buy Love…But still you have to pay for it
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me I’ll tell you more
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death!!
When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…
Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped 🙂
Mosquitos are like family Annoying but they carry your blood
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook
Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!
Save water drink beer
Peg Loading 😀
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams
God is really creative , i mean just look at me 😛
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer
My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth…
My study period = minutes My break time = hours
If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
I’m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
Here my dad comes on whatsapp… From now on my status would be ‘***no status***’ or just a smiley…
Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not
I Like to study Arithmetic – NO … world history – NO … chemistry – NO … GIRLS – YES!!!
Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! 😛
People call me mike You can call me tonight :p
In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!!!
CLASS- come late and start sleeping 🙂
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (_) (^_^)
Everything is x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh
People who exercise live longer, but what’s the point when those extra years are spent at gym
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection
It may look like I’m deep in thought, but % of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why
Wrestling is obviously fake Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk
We are WTF generation … WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 😀
Also Read: Engagement Status for Whatsapp
Last seen ! 😀
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing LOL
It’s been + years, Tom You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone 🙂
There’s like billion people in this world and no one wants to date me I hate this world … huh
Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person
I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it lolz
The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 🙂
I am not addicted to WHATS APP I only use it when I have time …… lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time 🙂
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” 🙂
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull
Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat
In bed, it’s AM you close your eyes for minutes, it’s : At school it’s :, close your eyes for minutes, it’s :
I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day 🙂
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything
I only need things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 🙂
Boys, if you don’t look like calvin klein models, don’t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels (From All Bachelor Girls Association) 🙂
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something
TODAY has been cencelled Go back to BED 🙂
I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide 🙂
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities
At least mosquito’s are attracted to me
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny
I really need hours of Facebook to balance out my minutes of studying
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up 😀
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own 🙂
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it lol
If you love someone, set them free If they come back, nobody else wanted them either 🙂
Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house
When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you She’s giving you a chance to change what you said
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning
One day your prince will come Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions 🙂
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice 🙂
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life
If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
